Life Update: Mental Breakdown, manifesting magic + kids as spiritual teachers

Hey FABSOUL Fam, it has been a hot minute since I last hopped on here. Mercury retrograde hit me hard this time. Even though I‘m a double Virgo and Mercury is my homeboy, I never get affected by him going backwards. But this time…oh boy!

Fall sun shining though trees in Berlin

It all started with my computer breaking down from one second to the next on the exact day Mercury stationed backwards. In the midst of writing job applications my cursor would be drawn away. Instead of telling the world what a perfect fit I am for the TV hosting job, I was taming a wild mouse. How fitting as I sometimes think of myself as a wild lion tamed to adjust to societal needs. But that‘s a topic for another blog post. In that moment I thought Mercury wanted to tell me something: you are not supposed to write these applications! And how right he was. Because if I‘m really honest, I don‘t want to get another job. I want to create my own one.

When people ask me what I want to do I always stumble for the lack of a description. I think my favorite wise reality star Kim Kardashian said it best: Mommy has many talents. Yep, exactly right!

So this night, mercury, my MacBook or whatever outside force apparently didn‘t want me to write applications. It was only a few days later that my body decided to shut down as well. Hunger and appetite had said goodbye for a few weeks now which is very unusual for me. And on this particular Wednesday it was all enough. I go into more detail on how it all went down in my podcast, so make sure to give it a listen.

Long story short, I was put sick on leave for two weeks which finally gave me the time to breathe. I think as woman wearing so many hats, we often push ourselves past our tolerance zone. Working, being a mom, taking care of the household, always organizing something from dinner plans to birthday gifts, all while creating a business is a LOT. I know it‘s oftentimes overlooked but working half-time and taking care of kids is more than a FULLTIME job. You literally never have time for yourself. And even if you love your work and of course your kid, at one point it‘s not sustainable anymore.

Women with blond hair and bangs

I knew that I couldn‘t turn my life around in two weeks (but I could get a new hairdo which also helps when you want to reinvent yourself) but it gave me a starting point to look at how my life could be improved and where I had to be honest with myself and ask for help. Another female issue I‘m suffering from: always too proud to ask for help. No, it‘s not too much for me. If you ask me, I can even load on more. Yeah, right! When have we become these machines that only allow ourselves to take a break when we worked ourselves to the ground? The sad thing is it doesn‘t help anyone. Not us nor our kids. But how much it really affects our kids, is what I learned in the two weeks at home.

Leading up to my breakdown, William was constantly whining and cranky. It was not until I felt better, more energized as well as calmer inside that he also returned to his sweet self. Where it felt like pulling in different directions before, we were suddenly back in flow. How much kids react to our energetic makeup is oftentimes overlooked. As soon as your kids act up, there must be something wrong with the kid. But since their mind is still so sensitive as it isn‘t flooded with so much nonesense yet, they are more reactive to the energies around them. They will sense that something is up with you before you do. And I‘m a firm believer that they came here to teach us something or to steer us back onto the right path. We grown ups oftentimes think we are the know-it-all when in truth our kids are much wiser. Whenever I‘m in my middleground doing things that light me up, William is also much more calmer. So yes, I guess it‘s time I not only listen to my bodily cues but also my child and finally live up to my life‘s motto: Don‘t dream your life, live your dream!

Breakfast with good female friends is a great support for when you feel low.

That‘s where I get around the third part of this post: manifesting magic. I‘m just a sucker for everything magical and now that we are entering the darker months of the year, I feel even more magically inspired. I started reading Real Magic by Dean Radin and I must say it‘s the perfect book for people like me who want to believe in magic so badly but who‘s very realistic mind always interferes. Because the author explains magic scientifically. And when reading it, I realize how much magic and manifestation are intertwined and how it all comes back to the power of our thoughts. As I said so many times before, we become what we think. I think most of us (including me) don‘t even realize how powerful our thoughts really are. But with all the conditioning around us, it takes immense willpower to get out of your own head and into your desired dream reality.

And that‘s where I mostly fail. My day-to-day obligations take up so much energy that at the end of the day I‘m barely left with any to put towards my manifestation practice. I admire all the women out of there who are making a living for themselves while raising kids, being a good wife, and still finding time to work out or do anything for themselves. It somehow must work and it‘s probably all in my head that it doesn‘t for me. So I will continue to try to reach my desired frequency and I will take you along on the journey. Let‘s see how magical this lifetime can be. 

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