It‘s 9 PM on a Wednesday and I‘m sitting in a finca on Mallorca. Life is good. I have an amazing husband and child, I‘m on vacation, the sun is shining and still I‘m reminiscing. Even though my life looks perfect on the outside, I feel incredibly empty on the inside. It‘s my passion, my calling, the what-the-heck-am-I-here-for question that I‘m looking for.

Since I finished college and was sent into this job world, I have been lost. I started a thousand things and finished none. I‘m excite one minute and totally unmotivated the next. I have an idea in my head that I‘m totally passionate about only to find it boring the next. I‘m taking action steps towards something I think could be my fulfillment but find myself overwhelmed by the question of how to start or how to succeed. It‘s like there is someone running circles inside my head and the more I think about it, the worse it gets. But if I don‘t think about it and just live life as usual, then I get frustrated, bored and unsatisfied, desperately wishing to find a way out of day-to-day obligations.

I wanted to take this break to finally have time to think about how I can turn my life around. How I can live a life I don‘t need a vacation from. Where I wake up and am excited to start the day.

Today after the rain had finally stopped, we drove a little bit up north to a beautiful lighthouse. The waves were crashing against the shores, seagulls were flying above, and it was only us and nature. Standing there surrounded by nothing but wilderness I looked up to the sky and asked God for help. I begged him to show me my path, to lead me to where I‘m supposed to go. I then touched the stones to reconnect with earth and find back to myself. I would be lying if I said that it brought me the big awakening I‘m so desperately longing for because it didn‘t.

It showed me one thing though: how much I missed reconnecting with the wild. Just standing there, breathing, taking it all in. I also realized how small we really are. How small our problems become when Mother Nature decides to take over again. So this experience my not have brought me my desired breakthrough but it definitely taught me to be grateful to get to experience this beautiful world.

I think there is no one size fits all. And life definitely changes when you have a kid. Time is not unlimited anymore. You have obligations now. You can‘t just do whatever. You can‘t just sit down and journal, meditate or do yoga hours on end to finally find enlightment. There is this tiny human being that needs your attention now. That wants you to show him the world, to be cheerful, clap your hands, sing, and that totally picks up on when you are out of alignment. Life as a mom is nothing compared to your pre-parent life. The same tools that you were suggested to do to find your middleground just don‘t apply anymore.

I was recently over at a friends‘ birthday party and one of her friends said that she doesn’t talk to non-parents about life as a parent anymore because they just don‘t get it. And that‘s so true. Everything that you are being told about having a morning routine, a workout routine, a meditation routine or whatever you are being suggested to do to live your healthiest, most fulfilled life yet, just doesn’t work anymore. And I‘m not blaming anyone on suggesting things or selling their products, I‘m just over here realizing for myself that I need to rearrange my life in order to get my desired results. That I need to find what works for me and inside my schedule.

That may not be a 60 minute full out workout session but maybe doing a few jumping jacks and squats in the living room with my son. And instead of spending time calming my mind during a 90 minute yoga session, I‘m teaching him how to do a sun salutation (so far he loves downward facing dog the most). Instead of going on long meditative runs, I‘m playing round after round of catch me if you can. And instead of picking my mind apart while journaling, I‘m squeezing in 10 minutes before falling asleep of reading a few pages in a book that inspires me that day.

I have to say goodbye to doing things consistently. Because consistency just doesn‘t exist anymore. No day is like the next. I moreover have to cherish the moment and do whatever my energy levels allow me that day. Life is not a sprint, it‘s a marathon, and long and steady wins the race.

Growth happens when you leave your comfort zone. At least that‘s what they are saying. And oh boy did I have to leave my comfort zone after becoming a mom. Maybe it‘s time to do things differently. Maybe I don‘t get the desired results because I‘m not changing anything in how I approach them. Maybe by taking the pressure off of me and finding a way to be a good mom and good to myself, I finally find what I‘m so desperately looking for.

What do you think? Are you also struggling finding time for yourself or is being a parent your entire fulfillment? Let me know in the comments below or over on Insta.

Love you guys, as always!